October 27, 2009

Beauty in being broken


A whole summer flew by with nothing but a smattering of updates from things that recently happened. In terms of blogging, I've realized that I have an average of posting pictures about 3-4 months after I've taken it. And its been 2-3 photos at a time.

Frankly, I was uninspired after returning from Cz. And a bit disgruntled. Wishing that I didn't take more pictures of J&P's wedding as well as C&S's wedding. They were both beautiful events. A bit regretful that I didn't take better care of my camera gear (I need to take my go-to lens to the shop. It works fine now, but it's definitely likely to be further damaged if I don't do i it soon). Grumbling that everything about photography was not coming easily to me. I was frustrated that I kept comparing my photos with seemingly everyone else. My camera sat in its bag for a good month and I had no desire to take it anywhere. Photography just wasn't that fun anymore.

I don't know if that's just a phase but one thing became very clear to me. I never wanted my identity to be primarily a photographer. My identity is in Christ. I'm still reconciling that and all the things that I've taken pride in and allowed my head and heart to puffed up with. The Lord has been reminding me though, that everything I have - money, time, and in this case talent or skills is to be used for his glory.... used to serve other people not not myself. And as he reminds me of the joy that comes from loving and serving him (through serving other people). So maybe I don't have fancy stuff. Maybe one day my eyesight will be gone completely. And maybe I won't be able to take photographs anymore. I think 4-5 months ago, that possibility would have devastated me. But for now, I have the opportunity to take pictures. And slowly, i've been picking up that camera more.

I know that's a lot of text for a photoblog. :) But I just wanted to share those thoughts as they pertain to my developoment in photography.

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